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observations of an unemployed man

Continued observations from an Unemployed Man…by Philip Warren

 


 

More observations as I enjoy (?my forced sabbatical) :

-From the “more signs my 11-year-old daughter is a Potser department”; I came into the kitchen at 10:30 AM and she was getting a bowl of ice cream.  I have never seen a skinny child eat so much!  We were thinking she had a tapeworm but then that would stick out, right?  I just don’t understand where it goes… Maybe I should become a farmer?

Puff the Magic Dragon and I have begun binge watching a new series; The Flash.  We really enjoy it although the soliloquies at the beginning are a little preachy coming from a teenager.  They are definitely not afraid to populate this show with some good looking people!

 

-I have been taking a lot of walks and think I’m wearing out my dog.  She has been really slow to get up when required.  I began to rub her hip thinking that it was sore and she gave me a very uncomfortable look like I was doing something inappropriate.  Don’t worry Wiggles; Beastiality is not one of the things I am planning to explore during my time off!

 

-Taking walks around the neighborhood and at the park during the weekdays is very weird.  Everyone kind of looks at you strangely as if to ask “why are you able to be out and about during the weekday?” (mostly moms and their young children).  This makes me feel kind of losery so I respond in the only way appropriate and yell at them “How much for the children?  The little girl… how much for the little girl???”.  It seems to work (at making me feel better).  

 

-My wife told me about a group that invites new people to the area to come socialize and do things together like movies, trivia nights, etc.  They advertised for “like-minded people” and said singles, couples, and married people are all welcome.  Forgive me as I might be out of the loop but is this for swingers?  I sure hope so because my wife and I swing like crazy! (joking)

 

-It has been GORGEOUS in Texas with the weather more like springtime than the dead of winter.  This is a very good thing as I feel guilty if I sleep in with the weather the way it is.  

 

-My 14-year-old son got a job for the summer.  He will be working weekdays from 8-4.  Now if I can just get my daughter to a summer camp or something the wife and I can go party!  My definition of partying is quite different now that I am 40; it basically means that my wife and I  eat dinner in, drink a bottle of wine , watch a movie, have mommy/daddy time (we call it naked breakdance fighting) and go to sleep early.  

 

-My daughter has set up her tent in the backyard and Fri/Sat nights we started a fire, made some smores and then slept in the tent (me on Friday and my wife on Sat).  It was fun, something different to do and this was great, way to bond with the kids.  After we made smores for the second time in a row my son got suspicious and said, “Why are you guys being so nice?”.  That’s another interesting thing; even though I feel stressed about finding a way to bring in some income, both the kids say I’m much more relaxed now than when I was working for the man.  

 

-I watched the movie “Chef” the other night with my son (if you haven’t seen it yet I highly recommend).  There is a scene in there with Aaron Franklin and Franklin’s BBQ so I think I may have brainwashed him into coming with me to brave the line for lunch.  We have to get there around 9:00 AM (not kidding) to get lunch in a reasonable time (2-3 hours).  I plan to bring chairs, some cards, drinks, a frisbee and a football and make a day out of it.  I’m going to take full advantage of my time off to waste half a Tuesday so I can experience what’s widely recognized as the best BBQ in the country.  

 

-Monday’s are depressing when you are unemployed.  Everyone else is rushing off to work while I am in my PJ’s snuggled up in my woobie with my laptop.  It may seem decadent but when you have two young children looking up at you for their next meals, it’s a little freaky.  I’ve suggested that they go into the workforce to help the cause; I think forced child labor is a greatly undervalued asset in this society.  Why should they eat all the food and take up the beds without contributing to the family finances?  Isn’t this why we have kids (or is that just me)?

 

In my next post, I will update everyone on the progress of my own business.  I am making great headway and have had some ideas that should really make it pop!  Stay tuned…

 

 

Author: andreaw

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